Any takers to make this table.
Category: Jokes
Bush Yarns from Warren Fahey
I found an old book in some boxes we had been donated and thought that we might reminisce on some old stories, jokes & poems from Warren’s book.
On thed Land by Warren Fahey
A Big Station
A shearer was out west looking for work when he came across a large mob of sheep which seemed to stretch for miles. It took him an hour and a half to get to the head of them, where he saw this bloke sitting on a horse.
‘”Good day” the shearer said. “Are you with these sheep?’
“Well yes & no” came the reply. “I’m with the dogs and I’ve and I’ve got fifty –three of the devils”.
The shearer was eager for work and pressed the drover for information about his station.
“Well” drawled the drover, they belong to an outfit called Burraweena Pastoral Company and as far as I know, “they are always shearing to keep up with the mob.”
“Strike a light” exclaimed the shearer. “It must be a bloody big shed”
“Oh it’s a big shed alright. I don’t know too much about it except that they have forty cooks just to cook for their cooks. Yes. a pretty big shed,” the drover concluded.
Do you get it?????
Old Mates lost again
WHERE’S TREV ?
| TREV and Keith, two elderly friends, met in the park every day to feed the pigeons, watch the squirrels and discuss world problems. One day Trev didn’t show up. Keith didn’t think much about it and figured maybe he had a cold or something. But after Trev hadn’t shown up for a week or so, Keith really got worried. However, since the only time they ever got together was at the park, Keith didn’t know where Trev lived. So he was unable to find out what had happened to him. A month had passed, and Keith figured he had seen the last of Trev. But one day as Sam approached the park – lo and behold – there sat Trev ! Keith was very excited and happy to see him and told him so. Then he said: ‘For crying out loud Trev, what in the world happened to you ?’ Trev replied: ‘I’ve been in jail.’ ‘Jail ?’ cried Keith. ‘What in the world for ?’ ‘Well,’ Trev said, ‘you know Sue, that cute little blonde waitress at the coffee shop where I go sometimes ?’ ‘Yeah,’ said Keith ‘I remember her. What about her ?’ ‘Well, one day she filed rape charges against me. At 77 years of age I was so proud of that, when I got into court I pleaded ‘GUILTY’ !!! ‘So the bloody judge gave me 30 days for perjury’ !!!!! |
Don’t mess with old folks
An elderly couple returned to a Mercedes Dealership to find the salesman had just sold the car they were interested in to a beautiful leggy blonde.
“I thought you said you would hold that car till we raised the $75,000 asking price, said the man. Yet I just heard you closed the deal for $65,000 to that lovely young lady there. You insisted there could be no discount on that model.”
“Well what can I tell you? She had the ready cash, and just look at her, how could I resist?” replied the salesman.
Just then the young woman approached the old folks and handed them the keys.
“There you go.” she said. “I told you I could get this joker to drop the price.
“See you late grandpa.”
Never mess with the Elderly
A Little Humour
Some folk cause happiness wherever they go, others whenever they go.
Some senior citizens are being criticized for the present deficiencies of our modern world; real or imaginary, present or past, foreign or domestic.
We take responsibility for all our actions and omissions; we do not try to blame others for our past imperfections, ignorance or failures.
Our generation saved the World from Fascism, Communism, and Racism, while we raised the Standard of Living, Health Care, and Life Expectancy.
HOWEVER, upon reflection, we would like to point out that it was NOT senior citizens who took:
The melody out of music,The pride out of appearance,
The courtesy out of driving,
The romance out of love,
The commitment out of marriage,
The responsibility out of parenthood,
The togetherness out of the family,
The learning out of education,
The service out of patriotism,
The Golden Rule from rulers,
The civility out of behavior,
The refinement out of language,
The dedication out of employment,
The prudence out of spending,
And we certainly are NOT the ones who eliminated patience and tolerance from personal relationships, and interactions with others on a face to face basis!!
And, we DO understand the meaning of patriotism, and remember those who have fought and died for our country.
YES, I’M A SENIOR CITIZEN…!!
I’m the life of the party . . . even if it lasts until 8 p.m.
I’m very good at opening childproof caps . . . With a hammer.
I’m awake many hours before my body allows me to get up.
I’m smiling all the time, because I can’t hear a thing you’re saying.
I’m sure everything I can’t find is in a safe secure place, somewhere.
I’m wrinkled, saggy, lumpy, and that’s just my left leg;
but I haven’t made my skin look like wall paper or snake skin.
My ears, nose, tongue, or naval haven’t been pieced with metal rings.
I’m beginning to realize that aging is not for wimps.
Yes, I’m a SENIOR CITIZEN, and I think I am having the time of my life!
Now if I could only remember who sent this to me, I wouldn’t send it back to them.
Or, maybe I should send it to all my friends anyway.
They won’t remember, even if they did send it.